Walking Disaster

Do other generations just not share? Are you so isolated from the other humans in your life that you cannot look past the general germiness we all live with? The generation that introduced us to the 5-Second Rule is now unable to share toiletries, clothes, and access to nationwide social security. Make it make sense. 

All kidding aside, there is a very real generational difference here. I was just at a conference where I was completely shat on by my Gen X (that’s the one before Millennial right?) for carrying my deodorant in my purse. I tend to sweat in most social anxiety-inducing situations, along with all situations in general… I just sweat, because I do and that’s that. That doesn’t make me unhygienic, Rob. But that wasn’t nearly as bad as my admittance that carrying deodorant isn’t a big deal, even my friends appreciate it when they need it. Cue the absolute horror at the idea that friends share deodorant. 

When I tried to defend myself, I mentioned that for girls, deodorant is the least of our worries. Soap, clothes, and makeup (except for eyeliner and mascara), are all shared at one point. Honestly, we have shared men! That was something we found out later, and the wine guy is the actual worst, so judge us both accordingly, but still – the point stands. 

I swear, by his reaction, you would think I admitted to sharing used pads. All this stuff is clean, it’s just not mine! If I’m trying to impress a guy, and my friend’s bikini or sundress makes me look good, you can bet your ass I’m using it. I can’t remember the last girl’s dinner where we didn’t at least try each other’s cocktails (if they’re gonna cost seventeen dollars each, then they will be treated like appetizers and shared by the table). Feel free to use my purse deodorant as long as you refrain from mocking the fact that I use Old Spice. Their neutral scents do better than any gardenia/lavender-scented Dove, and won’t dye any white shirts. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to everyone in my life, but for the people I know and consistently interact with? Absolutely. 

Even better, the people who have a problem with this have no problem sharing chapstick, which to me is infinitely worse. I’m not saying I don’t share that. I definitely will share it, but only with friends because a) people-pleasing is a very real problem I have and b) I know they don’t have herpes. Deodorant shouldn’t matter if chapstick doesn’t. 

I think the most interesting thing about this is the fact that when this conversation inevitably became a poll (as all office debates eventually do), there was such a real generational divide! Everyone above 40 and below 25 agreed and it was only the inbetweeners that stood out. But I genuinely couldn’t figure out why? Like since when is sharing such a gross thing? Looking back, I think it boils down to living situations because pre-millennial generations didn’t need roommates as long as we do and post-millennial generations either aren’t at roommate age or just stay at their parents’ house instead.

Sidenote: I love the habit of hyperbolic hypotheticals the elders bring out when they don’t actually know what to say in an argument. Like no, I’m not offering my Old Spice to every Tom, Dick, and Harry (that’s one person and his penis nicknames) that I come across. No, I offer it to friends who I know shower at least once a day; sorry you clearly can’t relate to that practice. I appreciate the insinuation that my armpits are cesspools of viruses and death. Maybe it’s a gender thing too because girls naturally end up sharing everything. If we can pop each other’s pimples and share diva cup folds, deodorant is the least of our communal goods. 

Lastly, why not help your fellow human? If someone has washed (you can tell by their hair) but is insecure about the smell, just offer some deodorant? It’s not a life ruiner! All this isolationism is what led directly to the stupid Cheeto fuck occupying the White House. Empathy is not a sin, people. 

So, if there are any non-millennials reading (doubtful), I would say just fucking share the lip gloss (you will not get herpes), share the brow gel (you will not get pink eye), and share your deodorant. You are more likely to get a yeast infection from your own sweat since we all live in non-breathable fabrics now anyway. Sharing is caring, dicks.