Walking Disaster

On my resume, one will find that I spent a considerable time working for an uber wealthy son from one of the uberiest wealthiest families in the country. I spent about five years in and right our of college as a personal assistant, then administrative assistant for his facility. I’ve also spent the last few years doing accounts payable for some friends of mine who have the same guy as their primary client. All this to say, you can believe me when I say that I spent enough time around people rich enough to lobby congress to know what I’m talking about, so I thought I’d share my knowledge. 

The first thing to know about how to build and, more importantly, retain wealth is this: don’t pay your bills. Seriously, don’t. None of these people do. And by these people, I mean ones who can afford to use privatized everything but don’t know how to cut the crusts off their own sandwich. They literally don’t pay for anything, as someone who has been on both sides of their billing, I know that over 80% of their payments are late…not by stupidity, by design. 

So, if you’d like to be in a position that almost definitely leads to your volunteering for the first go on the guillotine, here’s what you do. If you delay paying your workers and independent contractors, and you require third party payment/invoicing/bookkeeping software for the bills you actually pay, you can wait until your contractors finance their own payments, losing about 5-10% in the process. That way, you can get away with consistently paying less at the expense of your longtime friends and employees who rely on that income more than you are capable of understanding. Literally. Who needs to comprehend the le pathetic sans-culottes who need payments to be paid on time? Sure, it’s been explained to you, but since you never saw the profit in it and only cared to get a high school degree, you also don’t comprehend empathy or basic logic. 

If retaining an average of 27 days late payments is not enough for you, try adding obstacles for those who send you invoices. Be sure to change the accounting email, approvals, and attachments to invoices on an almost quarterly basis. This way you can outsource your own greed, because your money manager (as if you would touch your own account) will be able to force your vendors into sending their own invoice past their own net terms, but it’ll be in an acceptable condition…

Before you forget, make sure you remember to continue not paying your bills. Rules don’t apply to you, rules are for the third estate…you are nobility, above the bourgeoisie. Paying for goods and services is beneath you. Peasants are there to serve you, at the price determined by you, not the market or signed contracts, and they are there to thank you for your business. If you are extra smart (you’re not but the lawyers hired by your smart parents are), you will be sure to limit the time and ability of the dirty laborers from devoting any time, attention, and manpower to any person or project, other than you and your ridiculously opulent properties. If they are able to choose how to spend their time, and actually gain their agreed upon payment in full from others, they might start pressuring you to to hold up your end of the fucking agreement…capricious and unacceptable. 

So, yes, lesson number one from the parasitic class…don’t pay your bills. And when you get rich enough, they’ll consider it business sense, not asshole in debt. You’re welcome. Stay tuned for more.