Walking Disaster

My self-esteem has largely been non-existent lately, so instead of resorting to some of my older, less productive coping methods, I’m going to try and reframe the way I think about myself. Irony of all ironies – this is actually something my dad used to make me do when I was a teenager. The idea isn’t to invalidate your feelings but to be positive about something to combat the negativity. So here it goes: 

1. I hate my legs. Mostly my thighs. They’re fatter than I would like, they jiggle when I walk, and I’m more than a little knock-kneed. Comparing myself to other girls with skinnier legs, all I can think of is what I need to do to lose a few inches around my thighs. No matter what I do, they never look toned and never look like I want them to. But I love that my legs are strong. I can run six miles on a random given day and lift nearly my body weight on those weird inner/outer thigh machines at the gym. They allow me to play softball and hike to beautiful views with great people, largely injury-free. They might not be skinny, but they take me to great places. Plus, thanks to my teenage laser hair treatments, I don’t have to shave as much! 
2. I hate my hands. This might be an external insecurity since my mom would always tell me that they look older than the rest of me, and a couple of jammed fingers as a kid left my knuckles a little on the fatter side, which she lovingly referred to as kielbasas. Plus my date once called them man hands, which was entirely unhelpful. As a result, I am a little obsessed with wearing multiple rings, and having nail art and fun stuff like that. But that guy can catch these hands because these hands get to pet dogs and cats, cook me great food, and make my money. I’ve always had fun playing catch with people, and I feel better when I write out my feelings, which can only be done with said hands. Plus these hands can slap the shit out of someone as needed, so I should appreciate them more. 
3. I do not like my nose. I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it. It’s slightly fatter than I would like, and it has a slight bump in the middle. I can’t even fully pinpoint why I dislike it so much, but I do know why I’ll never change it. Partly because I have no money to do so, let’s be honest. Mainly because when my grandpa started progressing in his Parkinson’s and dementia he began to lose his lucidity and his memory. So he wouldn’t always remember my name, but he would hold my hand and tap my nose and call it a ski slope, and my nose would bring him back to me a bit. Why he had an obsession with noses, I will never know. But now that he’s gone, and I see myself in the mirror, I treasure the nose that brings back those memories.
4. I don’t like my hair either if I’m being honest. It’s thin and thinning, I can never decide on the color (which probably contributes to the thinning), and it is the type of curly that just does what it wants. If I straighten it, there’s a wave by the end of the night. If I curl it, the curls fall out two hours later. When I get stressed, my hair fully just falls out. How am I less dramatic then my hair? I’m at the point of needing eyeshadow to cover parts of my head if it’s in an updo. If you have PRP advice, let me know. But I should love it because when I have a good hair day, my hair looks gooooood. I should appreciate that the same hair looks good when dyed blonde or brunette, or (in the case of balayage) blonde and brunette. Plus, I’m a little unpredictable and crazy, so it’s only fair that my hair reflects that. 
5. I hate my chin…all three of them. Seriously, a picture that includes my side profile is one of my biggest fears. I feel like I have a turkey neck, and can’t look below eye level unless I want to invite the additional chins to the party. I can’t really think of a way to turn a chin into a positive, except I do appreciate how my necklaces draw attention away from it. I feel positive about the fact that I live in a time where sculpting lasers and Kybella exists. 

And lastly, I hate my feet but that’s just because I hate all feet. There’s no turning that one around.

I thought this might be a good challenge for other people to do, so I’m going to challenge my fellow writers to do the same!

Starting with KMHExpressions – hope this is as good an exercise for you as it was for me!