Walking Disaster

As the month draws to a close, it is time to talk about a phenomenon that has popped up in recent years. Dry January is discussed and humble-bragged about nearly as much as veganism, CrossFit, or (god-forbid) soul cycle. But unlike its competition, Dry January™ gets all the mentions crammed into one month instead of throughout the year. If you have to challenge yourself not to drink, you either have deeper problems to address, or you’re 25. I’m a total hypocrite, as per usual, because I have done the whole Dry January thing before, but that is largely because I fell into the unspoken third category – I was poor. It’s a super easy way to recoup some savings spent during the holidays. 

Don’t get me wrong; there is something to be said about starting the year on a healthy note. I’m a big proponent of New Year’s resolutions, 90% of which are health-related and short-lived anyway. I’m also a big proponent of front-loading the year with your work and responsibilities, whether it’s in terms of fitness, sales, or whatever. I like to get the hard part out of the way early so I can relax later on in the year. That doesn’t mean it needs to be the topic of every conversation though! 

I understand that any challenge attempted in January is extra hard because January is the longest and darkest month of the year. I don’t know how it just is. However, refraining from drinking shouldn’t be the Everest you’re making it out to be. You know what’s challenging? Refraining from dairy. Whether you’re lactose intolerant or not, it’s hard. Doing a thirty-day plank challenge is hard. Giving up caffeine is nearly superhuman, sociopathic, or both. My true Dry January would probably be detoxing from Bravo, which I might have to do anyway, but I’m weak. 

Not for nothing, but Dry January isn’t a punishment for yourself either. Like other resolutions, it’s supposed to be either a goal to work towards or an attempt to change your habits. If you “take a month off,” only to go full balls to the wall as soon as February hits, then there’s not really a point. You’re officially the adult equivalent to the sheltered kids who never went out in high school, so they spend their first college semester in one prolonged blackout. That Freshman Fifteen doesn’t refer to weight gain, but the number of days that a homeschooled kid actually remembers from their freshman year. You’re also not taking a month off if you substitute booze for weed or edibles. Dry or sober January means exactly that. Since you’re going to make me listen to this self-adulation at least stick to the premise and do the damn thing. 

If you’re truly on your self-betterment journey, which you said a million times that you are, then maybe choose something to do for thirty days, or select something new to try for thirty days. Before you know it, you’ll be entering your thirties and you’ll be able to go two, maybe even three(!!), months without drinking and you won’t even notice. More importantly, you won’t even talk about it…which is all that matters.