Walking Disaster

The original social contract basically states that we will not break certain behaviors and moral codes for all who participate in and reap the benefits of society. But how does that work in a world full of anger and disdain? How does that work in a world full of anxiety, self-centeredness, and stupidity? Or in a country that has begun to treat the notion of treating others the way you want to be treated as weakness and a populace hell-bent on deliberately antagonizing those around them.

But more weirdly, with society moving towards unfiltered thoughts with intent to harm, it’s been a growing thought of mine that interpersonal relationships have the pendulum swinging the opposite way. Friends, significant others, and family members treat each other like glass — retreating to conversations filled with nothing but collaborative lies, carefully dodging truth potholes along every avenue.

I think it’s a version of conflict avoidance that stems from the deluge of conflict fed to us in every possible medium in our day-to-day lives. News media, entertainment sites, social media, and even movie releases are about us versus them, or you’re in danger, or you’re alone, and here’s how this pill can help.

My original solution would normally be to have everyone take a step back, and take a break from each other for a year or so, just to breathe and get in touch with ourselves. Clearly, my lack of a sociology or psychology degree is at play here because we all did that in 2020, and everything got unbelievably worse.

So how do we self-correct? Obviously, I can’t fix society because society has never not been fucked up. We have never been able to experience a utopian era where others instinctively understand that there is an unspoken, even allotment of appetizers at a table, or the need to zipper when you merge. I think the key is reassessing our relationships, which could cause a chain of events that would hopefully affect larger groups. Collaborative lies have a time and place, and they’re for small things like homemade cooking or drunk emotions.

But we can’t be afraid to tell others what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. Things like, “No, you absolutely should not quit your job without a backup,” or, “Yes, it is weird to buy a fourth cat,” or, “I actually do hate it when I end up in the middle of your fight with your husband whom you clearly cannot stand.” This isn’t to say it’s radical honesty with intent to harm. But if someone wants to be told that a situation they’re stressing over is going to be alright, would it be right to lie and say, “Yes, everything will be okay,” or is it better to say, “It might not, but you won’t be alone either way”?

Obviously, it would be on a case-by-case basis, but this isn’t a “rules for thee but not for me” situation either. This applies to self-righteous assholes like me too! I don’t want to spread truth detritus everywhere and accept none for myself. If I ask for an opinion or advice, I want to hear it unfiltered.

Not from everyone, obviously, but from people who know me and who I trust. If I go through a period of losing multiple long-term friendships within just a couple of months of each other, and that shitty feeling is compounded by the multiple family members who also don’t like me, I want my friends and the people I’m close with to tell me if I’m the problem.

I’d want to know if I have changed for the worst, or if I’m coming across as abrasive and mean and there’s a reason for the loss I’m feeling. And I would want them to feel free enough to tell me their perspective without thinking I would hold it against them, because how else can I grow? If there is no well-timed and well-placed honesty, then there is no potential for growth; and we will all end up staying as anxiety-ridden and repressed as the media moguls who profit off making us anxiety-ridden and depressed.

In an ideal world, we can aim to fortify the existing social contract consisting of rules like using inside voices while inside, sharing sidewalks with other people, and wearing masks or getting vaccines so others don’t die (for fucks sake). But when it comes to our inner circles, whether it’s five people or twenty-five, we should do away with said contract.

We tell people that yes, the meeting you just had did, in fact, go terribly, but here is how to mitigate the damage and prepare better next time. Or yes, you do have flaws, but you have strengths as well, and neither are the ones you think.

Also, in doing away with this avoidance of debate in your relationships, you can free yourself from the toxic behavior you overlooked previously. Like not accepting when people lash out and invent reasons to be mad at you, or calling out unfair standards that some people have for you versus others. It can release a lot of extra emotional weight you didn’t even know you were carrying until suddenly you can sleep better and enjoy your days more.

I genuinely think that once we start treating these like two separate societal arrangements, anxieties will release a bit more, and it will spiral into a larger scale, so everyone and everything can finally calm down… society will probably implode by first. Or maybe I’m just full of shit, which is the most likely scenario. I don’t know. Just don’t be dicks.