Walking Disaster

Let me preface this by saying there is no right relationship with your bank account – generally speaking. As long as you have a steady income and a roof over your head, then it is your wallet, your choice. But I’ve found that people tend to fall into two camps: savers and spenders. Spenders want to enjoy the fruits of their labor now. Whereas Savers are more cognizant of the fact that we’ve had three recessions, a pandemic, and an incoming catastrophic global collapse…so we save for a rainy day. Or, more specifically, a day when we will have no rain and need all the money we have ever saved to pay for a gallon of water. For some reason, savers are viewed as pessimists, but I can’t see why. 

Spenders need to force savers out of their houses now and again, while savers need to force spenders to wait for that Revolve top to hit Nordstrom Rack during one of their annual sales. Seeing as how I’m a saver who has spent the last decade surrounded by spenders (some of whom even had money to do so), I thought I would share some of the activities that we could all enjoy. This way the spenders have something for their BeReal feed, and the savers don’t need to reach for that emergency dose of Lexapro. 

When they want to visit that new restaurant they found on Instagram – have a Pinterest night

This is something my roommate and I used to do after college, when we wanted to go out to restaurants like an adult, but could only afford the free breadsticks. Instead of going out, which usually requires a parking fee or an Uber surcharge, along with the food and drinks, we would each choose a brand new recipe from Pinterest to make together. It’s double fun to find different cocktail or mocktail recipes to pair with your homemade tasting menu. After enough sips of the wine you’re cooking with, you can even set the tables to stage the perfect shot for your friend to post to her story with a #domesticaf caption. Spenders are inevitably posters too, while us savers are obviously reposters. I don’t make the rules. Plus, this way, you get to have a ton of leftovers too! Win-win!

When they want to try the latest gym fad – suggest a run club or hike

Run clubs have the added benefit of being a fast-paced social gathering too, which will help convince them to go. Seriously, the Venn diagram for spenders and extroverts is a circle. I don’t want to pay $300 for one month at F45, or $200 for four classes at a pilates studio, or the equivalent of a mortgage payment on a kickboxing studio that also has a spin and hot yoga class and a stewardess to come wipe off your sweat with a cucumber scented cool towel. Not again. Most of the time, your spender will be okay with something as long as it’s new and different – so go ahead and splurge on that free AllTrails account. Sometimes you may have to give in and pay for the membership. This is when you can bust out your multiple emails to get a two-week, new customer discount three separate times.

Take it from someone who just went balls to the wall during a two-week trial for a Pilates subscription using a Geneva Convention-defying device called a megaformer, instead of just your run-of-the-mill medieval torture reformer. Not only did I absolutely get my money’s worth by going fourteen times in a row (by that math, each class came out to $5 instead of $30), but since we were doing it together…my spender friend now doesn’t want to see a pilates studio for the next month. I may have sacrificed my IT band, but I reached inner peace by ensuring her outer silence. 

When they want to visit that fancy brunch place on the water, or rooftop bar – hit the farmers market

Okay, bear with me on this one. I realize I’m starting to sound like a hippy, but I promise I am not. I’m just cheap. I have never, nor will I ever wear Birkenstocks. I also realize that brunch is essentially an excuse to have breakfast nachos and get drunk by 11 am, but hear me out! You can get so many free samples and different fun snacks at the farmers market, that you won’t miss your ONE plate of eggs benedict. As for the boozy part, there are plenty of juice or coffee stands. All you need is a reusable coffee cup and a flask to have the day of screwdrivers you have been craving all week or the world’s largest espresso martini. Don’t limit yourself! Plus the cops know all the good spots for bottomless mimosas, so when you leave the Broken Yolk, you’re painting a DUI target on your back. The worst that can happen from getting toasted at the farmer’s market is buying too many homemade tamales to bring back for your freezer. And that is the opposite of bad. 

When you do eventually have to give in…

Luckily, no one wants to go to the movie theaters anymore so you’re saved from having that conversation. And having an at-home spa day with two-dollar face masks and a basket full of nail polish is a swap that every single girl has done at least once in her life. But you will have to give in to your spender person every once in a while. My advice is to make sure it’s worth it for both of you when you do. Splurge on a live event, or possibly even a weekend trip, but make it something worth the experience for both of you. Unfortunately, I sincerely need to take my advice and stop adding to my various little squirrel funds, but I like the idea of paying for experiences and making my own memories and experiences for everything else in the meantime. Why spend money on your nails twice a month, when you can save up for a girl’s trip to a winery? You and your significant other can spend your time going to weekly fancy dinners, or take a full weekend away from other people. Allowing yourself to enjoy the money you earn every now and again is the healthy thing to do. And you, hopefully, don’t have to stop padding your savings to do it. 

Although if they ask you to save your money just to spend it on their destination wedding in their “home country” as if their home country isn’t the one we currently fucking live in, then that’s not being a spender, that’s just being selfish.